slowly letting go...

well. my grandma is still holding on.

slowly letting go.

hospice continues to say, " a day or two more."

so we will see.

my mom and her siblings and/or spouses have been by her side since Friday.
someone from her family has been with her...

what a picture of love.

is it not?

exhausting and beautiful.

all at the same time.

lots of tears. happy tears and sad tears.

my phone is not letting me load my pictures again.

i got this fun picture of me and karolina holding my grandma's hand today.

i think my dad wrote, "a generation of blessing...saying goodbye."
precious.

i was talking to my grandma today and she opened her eyes.

i know she heard me.

i know she knew my voice.

something i cannot explain.

i was talking about all the flowers blooming at my house.
she loved flowers.
she was getting restless, and i told her she should really open her eyes...
i brought matt king today and the kids, and i named them.
it looked like she was trying to smile
and she opened her eyes for just a brief couple seconds for me to see
into them another time...

i told her i made something out of her cookbook this week.

and that i loved looking at all her favorite recipes.

and her writing in the cookbook. (it used to be hers)

she looked over at me, and raised her eyebrows soooo high.

i think she wanted to open her eyes.

she did that 3 or 4 times with me while i was talking to her.

LOVE it. so special.

so i cried some more and said goodbye again.

i hate goodbyes.

my mom gave me a copy of a letter found in grandma's jewelry box years ago.
it talked about how she tried to be a good mom,and she failed much.
doesn't that sound familiar?
 what we all try to be?
and how much she loved my grandfather...
it was precious to read.
made me cry some more. :)

this is a song she would love at her funeral...
sung by none other than johnny cash. eeekkkkkk. :)

*what i remember about grandma*

what i remember about grandma...

my grandma shank is dying.

now. as i type.

we pray she could die more quickly, than slowly.

what a not fun process this death thing can be.

she has had dementia for awhile now...

i did get to visit her a couple weeks ago.

 why didn't i visit her more?
i should have.

she did not know me.
there was a haze or fog in her eyes.

that is sooo hard to see...
it's like nothing clicks.
nothing is there.
no memory.

no recollection.
nothing.

it's hard.
dementia.

so, instead of being outside in the beautiful sunshine today
.

although i pray...and speak...

"go run to Jesus grandma...this is a beautiful day to meet Jesus.

it's okay. go meet him."

i came inside to pen some thoughts down.

what i remember about grandma...

her name was edna arlene hess shank.

she was my mom's mom.
she had a ton of brothers and sisters.
like. way more than the 3 i had.
and something about each of them, reminded me of my grandma. :)

she was a hard worker.
she was diligent. determined.

i remember gathering eggs with her in the chicken house, when i was a little girl.

and the big egg cooler. i still remember the handle on the door. :)

she cooked a lot.

chicken noodle soup.

saltines.

humming or singing.

humming or singing while she worked.

 humming or singing  while she cooked.

 humming or singing while she ironed.

her ironing.

i still can't iron quite like grandma. :)

pepsi.

angel food cake.

her angel food cake was *the best*

we had always hoped to get her to teach us how to make it...

we really should have taken the time to learn. :(

her and pappy's cars. oldsmobiles, maybe?
several of them.

they all had that squishy velvety upolstered backseat

wdac was on the radio all the time.

maybe that is where i get it??

lets say so. :)

and church.
we never got to go much with grandma and pappy, but when we did...
i remember the men sat on one side.
and the ladies on the other.
i was so glad i was a little girl, and got to sit beside grandma. :)

feeding whomever walked in the door.
and bread on the bread plate. she always had bread on the bread plate.
chicken pot pie.

she hauled amish in her later years.

she always had something to say. she talked a lot. :)
and talked loudly at that.

her porch swing.

her love of matlock, magnum p.i.  and little house on the prairie.

flowers. she loved to pinch off the old geraniums, pansies or petunia blossoms.

she wore aprons.

and a covering.

her hair was loooonnngggg. (or that's how i remember it as a little girl).

she quoted scripture from the Bible.
and other things for that matter.
she recited "casey at the bat"...
i think that helped her remember Kaycee's name. :)

she carried a hankie.

she carried purses with that little golden hook closure.

she could whisk really fast.

she was a fighter.

she had more than her fair share of joint replacements.

she always said, "you're lookin' good, missy."

i can still hear her making the funny sound she made,

when she would bend down to pick up one of my babies...
i have 5...


"oh benny", she would say.
she was up early.
 i don't remember what time she went to bed?
although i do remember an accidental nap on the sofa was not out of the question. :)

awwww. so i am beyond blessed with my heritage.

i am blessed to be able to be called her granddaughter.

my life is better because i knew her. because she was my grandma.

will always have fond memories of her.

xoxo.

"run to Jesus grandma. run to Jesus..."

[i did get to tell grandma that tonight.
i got to hug her and kiss her and tell her how pretty she was...
what a fabulous lady she was. a good grandma.]



[i think this is the most recent picture we have with her...
they lived on a poultry and tabacco farm for many, many years,
then a ranch house overlooking their farm...
then, my grandfather died, 12ish years ago??,
and then my grandma moved to fairmount homes, to an apartment, and then,
to skilled nursing, and then,
when she got dementia, moved into the dementia unit...]

my kids don't remember much about grandma.
campbell, 6, said, "she never remembered us mom,
she hardly remembered you."
i laughed. "oh sweetie", i said, "that was after grandma got sick with dementia.
she used to always remember mommy."


she remembered i married "matt king"
and she always came to see you, when you were babies.
 she always asked about the chickens and the steers that we had. :)
i liked that.
i am a farmer's wife, just like your great grandma.
she would come and help with corn.
fresh corn from the garden,
to cut off from the cobs, and pack away in the freezer.

she always gave the kids candy, in old prescription medicine containers.
it is a riot, now that i think about it...
and had a laundry basket of toys, she kept up in her bedroom closet,
once she had moved into her apartment...

the memories are fond. grandma.
you will be forever missed and loved.

*under construction*

remember i said that i am computer illiterate.

i meant it.

so. that means when i try to fool around with my blog.

it may take *awhile*.

i will do my best to stop fooling.

and settle.

forgive me. :)

have a great day.

xo.

 



catching up.

hallelujah!!

that is all i have to say.

 i shut down my computer this morning and restarted it, and now my pics are loading.

yay. it's the little things in life that can turn around your day. :)

watch out.

i have a lot of catching up to do. :)

i found this paper on kaycee's bedroom floor.

she said she gave it to me, but somehow i never received it.

this is the kind of stuff i need to document and keep, so i can pull it out later, when i need

a "refresher". :)



preciousness, right? :)

*****************************************************

this looks to be a day i hadn't showered.

we all have those days, eigh??

please, tell me so. :)

****************************************************

this pic is from a few weeks ago...you know when we had warm weather?? :)

the girls were invited to a princess party.

they had so much fun.

and so did i, putting together their costumes.

[ we have campbell, as repunzel, kaycee, as cinderella, and calli as sleeping beauty]

************************************************************

i soooooooooooooo LOVE this picture.

kaden is totally cracking up. and matt is totally over it.

totally.

can you tell?

;)

it helps to encourage me.

our days in our household are not always happy ones.

but i try my best to give my kids a loving atmosphere...i want them to remember home as a happy place.

that they always want to come back too.

who wouldn't want to come back to this, daddy? 

hahahahahahahah. :)

**********************************************************

and lastly.

i realize most people just trim or chainsaw their big grasses.

at the King household.

we burn ours.

i am thinking this is not the normal way...

am i wrong?

do you believe me when i say there is never a dull moment around here?

you should.

and it's not only the kids who keep me on my toes.

:)

frustrated.

i have never been so frustrated in my life.

well. probably. but it sounds good for now.

i cannot get any pictures to download off my phone.

and now.

i resorted to my "good" camera yesterday.

and now i cannot get any pictures off of it either.

eeeeekkkkkk.

i am putting off going to the phone store.

but now.

maybe it is my computer.

i h.a.t.e. technology when it doesn't work.

because i am too illiterate to figure it out.

boo. :(

********************************************************

on another note.

life is good.

i hate this cold weather.

hate it.

 i put off planting my garden for another week. this is crazy.

[this girl, karolina, 21 months, is a total crack up. soooo much personality. and tantrum throwing. she understands waaaaayyyy more than i give her credit for. :)  she takes her pants and shoes off all the time. gets interesting around here.  ]

matt's knee is healing very, very well.

he is really ahead of where he should be strength wise.

people still ask if he is in therapy.

absolutely. yes. he is. :)

it will take up to a year for his bone to grow around the attachment site for the new tendon they put in.

this doesn't mean he will be in therapy for a year.

but 3-6 months is "normal".

the tendons that tear, are a lot of times in the patients who

"think" they don't have time for therapy. so. they stop.

they stop too soon.

and then wonder why they need another surgery in a year.

i expect him to be in therapy for a few more weeks...

yes. he is working pretty regularly now around the farm.

but even in his manual work, exercises in therapy are very different in how they work the muscles.

he is very disappointed he is unable to ride his motorcycle.

it's not the "riding" part that would be too difficult.

it would be holding up that heavy bike getting on and off.

and pushing it backwards, with his legs and feet, while sitting on it...

does that make sense?


[meadow tea is back in full swing...taking over some of my flower beds...which there really are plenty to take over, but still...we happen to love meadow tea. a childhood memory for me...]


the last house of chickens will leave wednesday.
so i have had a week "off" of chicken duty already.
now. i wonder what will fill my time. :)
this morning, i have been back on blogs.
glorious.
i really am encouraged and inspired.
i gleen so much information, ideas and wisdom...

i expect i will be helping out with chickens on a more regular basis now.
which is fine.
matt has always wanted me to be more involved. so. that i will be. :)

will also encorporate kaden and kaycee more this summer. as part of their chores.
something that is always stressed at each of our children's conferences
is that our children have a strong work ethic.
my husband *gleams* when they say this.
it is amazing. all 7 teachers have mentioned this, with each of our children.

[campbell, age 6, almost done her kindergarten year...so thrilled i took her out of school at 12:15 p.m. everyday...i really believe it's just too much pressure for the littles. she is not behind. she is doing great. her new "hair choice" from the ticket prize box at school. doesn't it look great???]

school is winding down.

yay.

lots of 3rd grade projects going on.

field trips coming up.

baseball is winding down too.

they have won a few games.

kaden has had a couple really super games.

hitting triples and doubles. pitching well.

that tickles me. when things come together for him.

not always do they. but sometimes. :)

a couple wins go a lonnnng way. :)

i did say to matt last night.
"i really should have borrowed a 9 year old for a year, before i decided to become a mom."
hahahahahahah.
kaden was crying in his bed. last night
pitching was difficult in last night's game.
he walked 3 guys. and was taken out.
never mind the 3 he struck out the inning before...he didn't think about those. :)



[kaden, age 9 1/2, pitching...they still play a lot of different positions...he is big and stocky...and is really a good pitcher when he can stay focused...he is a good hitter too, when he can connect with the ball. running, well. he's not so fast. :)  ]

i now understand my mom's words when i was having childen in farily quick succession years ago.

"these will always be your children."

"5 is a lot."

yes mom. yes mom. :)

i get it now.

if only i could have frozen time when karolina was born.

Mother's Day was super.

i  got a bike.

whoo. hoo.

those of you who know my husband and i,

know that that is a super huge deal.

his favorite line on mother's day is, "you are not my mother."

and questions why on earth he would get me a gift.

soooo....i was greatly surprised to get a bike.

[kaycee, 8, will start gymnastics this summer, with campbell...we are alllll excited for summer to come.]

i happened to be walking thru walmart a couple nights before, with the kids.

i saw a super cool bike, and told them, "you know...you could always get that for me for mother's day."

and kaden was listening.

and told his dad.

i also got some super awesome hand made cards and other things, which i will pack away.

to pull out on days when they are 16 and not listening and mouthy.

just to remember they really do love me. :)

I had my parents for lunch. and matt's parents too.

and then we had my niece's birthday party in the evening.

we went late.

i was beat.

but a good beat. :)

it was a fun day.

****************************************************************

here's to my headache going away.
getting this huge pile filed on my desk.
i would show you a picture to encourage you, but i can't. :(
cleaning a bit.
and who knows what else??

and getting my pictures to load.

:)

National Day of Prayer *2013*

today is the national day of prayer.

does that mean anything to you?

will you run your day any differently?




 

the theme scripture for this year is:

Matthew 12:21 :

 “In His name the nations will put their hope.”

what an awesome verse for me to focus on today.

when i think of how far our nation has fallen from the Lord, it is astounding.

 

[just this morning,

 i heard a 19 year old girl, had a baby in McCaskey's bathroom, and threw it away.

the janitor found it.

ugh.

i wonder if she knows her worth?

she certainly didn't realize her baby had worth. was a treasure. a gift.

 

and that doctor in Philly who is on trial for killing babies alive, at an abortion clinic.

what is the matter with this picture?

when did life start to "not matter" and become such an inconvenience,

that we just snuff it out. as the easiest alternative.

how about my daughter needs my permission to get an aspirin from the school nurse for a headache.
but can now go to the drug store and purchase the morning after pill over the counter.
seriously. enough is enough.

 

oh how the Lord's heart must ache with pain and heaviness. ]

 

The National Day of Prayer task force is asking us to pray this prayer sometime today.

Please do so if you feel led...

 

**************************************************** 

 

Father, we come to You to pray for our nation, the United States of America.

How You have blessed us through the years, Lord! We rightly sing, “America, America, God shed His grace on thee.” Yet we see trouble in our culture today. We see the breakdown of the family, crippling addictions, and random acts of horrific violence.

Lord, we need Your help in America. In recent days, we have done our best to remove Your Word and Your counsel from our courtrooms, classrooms and culture. It seems, as President Lincoln once said, that we have “forgotten God.” But Lord, You have not forgotten us! You can bless and help and revive our country again.

Scripture tells us that “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people” (Proverbs14:34). Lord, in Your mercy, we ask that You would exalt our country again. We have had a number of great awakenings in America. We have experienced times of refreshing, and revivals that changed not only the spiritual but also the moral landscape. As the psalmist said, “Will You not revive us again, so that Your people may rejoice in You?” (Psalm 85:6)


That is our prayer for America today, Lord. Send a mighty spiritual awakening that will turn the hearts of men and women, boys and girls back to you. You have told us if we will humble ourselves and pray, and seek Your face and turn from our wicked ways, that You will forgive our sins and heal our land. (2 Chronicles7:14)

Forgive us today, Lord, and heal this troubled land that we love so much.

We ask all of this in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.


*****************************************************




other scriptures of relevance for today:


"Despise God's Word and find yourself in trouble. Obey it and succeed."


Proverbs 13:13 TLB



"Have two goals: wisdom - that is knowing and doing right - and
common sense. Don't let them slip away."

Proverbs 3:21 TLB



"Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence." 1Timothy 2:1-2 NKJV

 

the art of learning from a being on a losing team.

well. we all know that once you have kids.

life is different.

we can agree, right?

kaden is on a little league team this year.

as he has been since he was 6 years old.

but this year. he is on .

 a losing team.

they haven't won a game yet.

that means they are 0-7.

 it is disappointing.

disappointing for the coaches.

disappointing for the players.

and who is going to lie.

disappointing for the parents.

we have heard it all before.

it's not about winning.

true.

it is not about winning.

 but it sure goes a long way to win a game or two.

i am trying hard to raise a son of honor.

what does that look like, for my 9 year old?

for me...

it means turning the other cheek when his "friends" are taunting him for losing all the time.

it means walking away and being silent if you have nothing nice to say.

it means telling the opposing pitcher, who happens to be your friend, and struck you out, :)

that he pitched a good game.

it means picking your head up. wiping off your tears. and trying again next time.

it means doing your best, even in adversity.

it means stop complaining about everyone else, and work on yourself.

it means being encouraging to your fellow players.

 [andrew koennecker, broden king and kaden]

these are all life lessons that kaden is not going to master in his 9th year of life.
who am i kidding?

i do not have these skills mastered, and i am his mother, and 35 years old.

i have such high, wild expectations for what i can teach my kids.
the task is overwhelming and daunting...it can easily stress me out.
i have got to keep myself in check.
everyday.
what am i modeling for them?

work on myself, right?

right.




and an update:
now the giants are 3-7-1.
feels much better for all of us.

;0)